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The Private Life: Why We Remain in the Dark
The war over private life spreads inexorably. Some seek to expose, invade and steal it, others to protect, conceal and withhold it. Either way, the assumption is that privacy is a possession to be won or lost. But what if what we call private life is the one element in us that we can't possess? Could it be that we're so intent on taking hold of the privacy of others, or keeping hold of our own only because we're powerless to do either? In this groundbreaking book, Josh Cohen uses his experience as a psychoanalyst, literature professor and human being to explore the conception of private life as the presence in us of someone else, an uncanny stranger both unrecognisable and eerily familiar, who can be neither owned nor controlled. Drawing on a dizzying array of characters and concerns, from John Milton and Henry James to Katie Price and Snoopy, from philosophy and the Bible to pornography and late-night TV, The Private Life weaves a richly personal tapestry of ideas and experience. In a culture that floods our lives with light, it asks, how is it that we remain so helplessly in the dark?
A groundbreaking new book, in which Josh Cohen uses his experience as psychoanalyst, literature professor and human being to explore the conception of private life.
A groundbreaking new book, in which Josh Cohen uses his experience as psychoanalyst, literature professor and human being to explore the conception of private life.
223 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2013
About the author
Josh Cohen
27 books60 followersJosh Cohen is a professor of modern literary theory at Goldsmiths, University of London, and a psychoanalyst in private practice. He is the author of many books, including The Private Life: Why We Remain in the Dark
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
January 1, 2017
The Private Life: Why We Remain in the Dark by Josh Cohen- Book Review
Modern culture is marked by an obsession to know the private life of those entities it fetishizes. It is also marked by a further tendency to make the private public,especially on social media. Individuals tend to derive a sense of significance by revealing the nuances of their existence on platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. So what fuels this obsession of knowing the private self of one's self or the other? Is it a recent phenomenon or we find this tendency consistent within the pages of history? This book answers these question in the framework of psychoanalysis.
This is a highly creative work. It brings the full force of Freudian ideas to contemporary lives in order to answer very critical questions about the private self and whether it can be known or not. You start thinking that Freud isn't that archaic after all. Josh Cohen is a psychoanalyst and a professor of literature. He elaborates his arguments by drawing references from literature which makes this book a real treat. I personally loved the way he interpreted many religious myths in order to explain modern phenomenons. Also, I found fresh interpretations on the case histories that Sigmund Freud published during the course of his life. For this reason, I would highly recommend this book to the students of Psychology and Literature.
After writing two disjointed paragraphs, I am discovering that it's very difficult to write a review of a non-fiction work which is so dense and expansive. So I am jotting down some of the arguments that I found really appealing in the first half of the book here, so that you all may get a gist of what the book is about. Would really like to discuss and explore this stuff.
1. Psychoanalysis is about the double. It’s the self that lurks in the dark, the one which we want to hide because it is incompatible with the social values that we have embraced. We can’t show that self to anyone because we know that no one would understand how and why it works. However, the most scary part is that even we don’t know how it works. So the private self stays in the dark precisely because it can’t be explored or explained, even by us who are most intimate to it. ‘Your private self resists the best efforts, your own included, to bring it to light. It’s not just poetry that’s lost in translation. It’s you.’
2.Private life evokes tyranny simply because of the fact that it evokes the notions within its area that the tyrant can’t process or know. That is why most totalitarian regimes declared an all out war against the private self. The state apparatus tried to control it through intricate surveillance and spy networks. This space generated anxiety among those who wanted to control individuals. Therefore, they were very keen to know who the individual was when he was alone. Or when he was communicating with other individuals in a private conversation.
3.The Ego is not in-charge of its own home, the one in which the conflicting forces of Super ego and Id live. It’s forever managing the conflict but often the conflict gets out of its hands and that is when neurosis is generated. This was one of Freud’s original ideas. We are larger than one self. But social conditions and influences force us to have one consistent self. This restriction automatically alienates us by eliminating a large chunk of our personality because it does not fit with the social narrative. Therefore, we become afraid of our strangeness to one’s self. Of not being ourselves.
4. Ego is always in search of coherence. It creates coherence and meaning in one’s life by generating certain principals out of the reality it observes both inside and outside. However, the world that we inhabit does not always works on principals or laws. Always, there are anomalies which could take the form of an accident, rape, disability etc. In that case, the Ego suffers from a crisis of meaning. It no longer sees coherence or safety in the world and this generates a paranoia. Akin to the outside world, the inner world of drives is also conflicted and does not follow some guiding principles. Often, two conflicting drives such as that of sex or death want to be expressed simultaneously. This generates what many term as a hypocritical behavior. ‘Conscious hate for the hypocrisy of others is an unconscious fear of your own.’ However, ‘The truth is, once you know someone doesn’t tell you the truth all the time, you are stuck not knowing if they ever tell you the truth. Who after all, tells the truth all the time?’
5.‘The artist fixes his gaze on what is still hidden. That is where art and psychoanalysis come together.’
6. Once you see the innermost part of a human, it no longer remains innermost. Appearance in the light is rendered meaningful by its appearance from the dark. So there’s a divide between private and public life. One is incomplete without the other. They form a dialectic of sorts. It was also suggested that an over emphasis on the public life or on making the private public through social media results in the loss of the private self. This has been linked with the emptiness that the modern man feels.
7. Privacy is linked with the ownership of the self. Paradoxically however, you are not in charge of that self. You are not the owner of your own house, the world inside. But most believe otherwise. The author suggests that this was one of the reasons why Freud’s work provoked such outrage. Reading Freud feels as if someone revokes your privacy.
8. The first thing that Adam and Eve did when they landed on Earth was to cover themselves. They didn’t feel this need in the heaven. It means that the first thing that they realized after they were kicked out of heaven was this: In this new life on Earth, there are things that should be shown and things that should be hidden. That covering of their private parts marks the beginning of their private life (Very interesting interpretation).
9. The adolescence is caught between the wish of limitless psychic activity and a descend in to quiet, dreamless sleep. Freud believes that when an infant is borne, he is pulled from a peaceful slumber in the mother’s womb (where he is virtually a king) by virtue of a brutal agitation. Therefore, his first act was to return to that slumber where he could have virtually anything he wants for his survival at ease. This illusion is kept by the mother’s care in the early years of his life. But ultimately, he has to let go and recognize his ego boundaries. However, the psychic layer can’t bear the weight that it might not have something it wants. Therefore, to live is to want the things that you don’t have yet. Conversely enough, what you want at the core of your existence is to not want at all, to return to that state where wanting didn’t exist because everything was available.
10. To be alone requires the internalized assurance that you are not alone. You experience true privacy only in and through the presence of the other.
Modern culture is marked by an obsession to know the private life of those entities it fetishizes. It is also marked by a further tendency to make the private public,especially on social media. Individuals tend to derive a sense of significance by revealing the nuances of their existence on platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. So what fuels this obsession of knowing the private self of one's self or the other? Is it a recent phenomenon or we find this tendency consistent within the pages of history? This book answers these question in the framework of psychoanalysis.
This is a highly creative work. It brings the full force of Freudian ideas to contemporary lives in order to answer very critical questions about the private self and whether it can be known or not. You start thinking that Freud isn't that archaic after all. Josh Cohen is a psychoanalyst and a professor of literature. He elaborates his arguments by drawing references from literature which makes this book a real treat. I personally loved the way he interpreted many religious myths in order to explain modern phenomenons. Also, I found fresh interpretations on the case histories that Sigmund Freud published during the course of his life. For this reason, I would highly recommend this book to the students of Psychology and Literature.
After writing two disjointed paragraphs, I am discovering that it's very difficult to write a review of a non-fiction work which is so dense and expansive. So I am jotting down some of the arguments that I found really appealing in the first half of the book here, so that you all may get a gist of what the book is about. Would really like to discuss and explore this stuff.
1. Psychoanalysis is about the double. It’s the self that lurks in the dark, the one which we want to hide because it is incompatible with the social values that we have embraced. We can’t show that self to anyone because we know that no one would understand how and why it works. However, the most scary part is that even we don’t know how it works. So the private self stays in the dark precisely because it can’t be explored or explained, even by us who are most intimate to it. ‘Your private self resists the best efforts, your own included, to bring it to light. It’s not just poetry that’s lost in translation. It’s you.’
2.Private life evokes tyranny simply because of the fact that it evokes the notions within its area that the tyrant can’t process or know. That is why most totalitarian regimes declared an all out war against the private self. The state apparatus tried to control it through intricate surveillance and spy networks. This space generated anxiety among those who wanted to control individuals. Therefore, they were very keen to know who the individual was when he was alone. Or when he was communicating with other individuals in a private conversation.
3.The Ego is not in-charge of its own home, the one in which the conflicting forces of Super ego and Id live. It’s forever managing the conflict but often the conflict gets out of its hands and that is when neurosis is generated. This was one of Freud’s original ideas. We are larger than one self. But social conditions and influences force us to have one consistent self. This restriction automatically alienates us by eliminating a large chunk of our personality because it does not fit with the social narrative. Therefore, we become afraid of our strangeness to one’s self. Of not being ourselves.
4. Ego is always in search of coherence. It creates coherence and meaning in one’s life by generating certain principals out of the reality it observes both inside and outside. However, the world that we inhabit does not always works on principals or laws. Always, there are anomalies which could take the form of an accident, rape, disability etc. In that case, the Ego suffers from a crisis of meaning. It no longer sees coherence or safety in the world and this generates a paranoia. Akin to the outside world, the inner world of drives is also conflicted and does not follow some guiding principles. Often, two conflicting drives such as that of sex or death want to be expressed simultaneously. This generates what many term as a hypocritical behavior. ‘Conscious hate for the hypocrisy of others is an unconscious fear of your own.’ However, ‘The truth is, once you know someone doesn’t tell you the truth all the time, you are stuck not knowing if they ever tell you the truth. Who after all, tells the truth all the time?’
5.‘The artist fixes his gaze on what is still hidden. That is where art and psychoanalysis come together.’
6. Once you see the innermost part of a human, it no longer remains innermost. Appearance in the light is rendered meaningful by its appearance from the dark. So there’s a divide between private and public life. One is incomplete without the other. They form a dialectic of sorts. It was also suggested that an over emphasis on the public life or on making the private public through social media results in the loss of the private self. This has been linked with the emptiness that the modern man feels.
7. Privacy is linked with the ownership of the self. Paradoxically however, you are not in charge of that self. You are not the owner of your own house, the world inside. But most believe otherwise. The author suggests that this was one of the reasons why Freud’s work provoked such outrage. Reading Freud feels as if someone revokes your privacy.
8. The first thing that Adam and Eve did when they landed on Earth was to cover themselves. They didn’t feel this need in the heaven. It means that the first thing that they realized after they were kicked out of heaven was this: In this new life on Earth, there are things that should be shown and things that should be hidden. That covering of their private parts marks the beginning of their private life (Very interesting interpretation).
9. The adolescence is caught between the wish of limitless psychic activity and a descend in to quiet, dreamless sleep. Freud believes that when an infant is borne, he is pulled from a peaceful slumber in the mother’s womb (where he is virtually a king) by virtue of a brutal agitation. Therefore, his first act was to return to that slumber where he could have virtually anything he wants for his survival at ease. This illusion is kept by the mother’s care in the early years of his life. But ultimately, he has to let go and recognize his ego boundaries. However, the psychic layer can’t bear the weight that it might not have something it wants. Therefore, to live is to want the things that you don’t have yet. Conversely enough, what you want at the core of your existence is to not want at all, to return to that state where wanting didn’t exist because everything was available.
10. To be alone requires the internalized assurance that you are not alone. You experience true privacy only in and through the presence of the other.
June 5, 2019
What you are is not what you think you are.
Here are the parts I understand:
What you think you are comes from the conscious mind. What you really are resides in the unconscious mind. You can't know the unconscious, but it's an essential part of you.
Here are the parts I don't understand:
The unconscious has to remain private in order to be a foil for the conscious. You need conscious and unconscious in order to be whole.
Here are the parts I disagree with:
The unconscious cannot ever (ever, ever) be known. Dreams are meaningful only in the context of the hidden/unconscious part of the mind and so should not be shown on YouTube. CBT is barking up the wrong tree and the only true path to (self-actualisation/self-healing/happiness/wholeness) is psychoanalysis.
This is an overly complex book that sent me to sleep at the end, just as it was meant to be enlightening me.
Here are the parts I understand:
What you think you are comes from the conscious mind. What you really are resides in the unconscious mind. You can't know the unconscious, but it's an essential part of you.
Here are the parts I don't understand:
The unconscious has to remain private in order to be a foil for the conscious. You need conscious and unconscious in order to be whole.
Here are the parts I disagree with:
The unconscious cannot ever (ever, ever) be known. Dreams are meaningful only in the context of the hidden/unconscious part of the mind and so should not be shown on YouTube. CBT is barking up the wrong tree and the only true path to (self-actualisation/self-healing/happiness/wholeness) is psychoanalysis.
This is an overly complex book that sent me to sleep at the end, just as it was meant to be enlightening me.
April 16, 2017
What is private life and why does it matter? Written by a literature professor and psychoanalyst, this fascinating and sometimes challenging book discusses the distinction between our public and private selves, and the extent to which we can ever truly know other people or even ourselves. It ranges from Freud to pop culture and back again, taking in religion, celebrity culture and horror movie sequels along the way. Any book that can discuss Katie Price and Edgar Allen Poe on the same page and still present a coherent thesis is onto something.
March 28, 2015
Refreshing to have another perspective on privacy. Lost me somewhat at times
December 3, 2019
DNF at 50% because it's speculative, repetitive and overly personal. I gave up when, after a lengthy description of a room (irrelevant) and the good character of a student (even more irrelevant) breastfeeding was re-framed as a sexual act. The student, a mother, disagreed. Cohen, rather than addressing her issue with the claim itself, takes Freud's work as gospel and tells her she is hiding the truth from herself; claiming it's all 'repressed', 'unknowable', 'unconscious'. Well, isn't that mighty convenient! There was not even an ATTEMPT justify ANY of Freud's claims, just Cohen waxing on about his own vices and trying to apply them to everyone. Just because Freud was a sex-obsessed odd-ball doesn't mean that we all are. Psychoanalysis falls into the trap of assuming what is true for ones self is true for everyone.
November 25, 2020
Lacking any clear theoretical drive or cohesive point, this book seems to mostly be about Cohen telling stories from his life in the hope of impressing the reader. He starts each chapter by giving some anecdote from his North London prep school, his Grandfather’s chintz armchair-filled study or at a party, where his interlocutor is too mundane to be paid attention to (however the conversation suddenly becomes exciting when he crowbars in his side-job as a psychoanalyst) which are really only excercises in egotism. He then spends the rest of the chapter trying to draw together a range of philosophical and pop culture references (to seem kitschy) in the hope that the incredibly tenuous links he makes might seem profound.
May 18, 2018
This book delved so deeply into Sigmund Freud's theories and practice, which isn't really what I was keen to read about, that I found most of the interesting bits for me got lost in the last analysis. I'm still more or less in the dark as to why my private life is what it is. This book was a sort of nebulous meandering through time and space with shoutouts to various famous authors and cultural icons, which doesn't make it particularly groundbreaking in my book.
June 3, 2019
Thoughtful, perceptive and elegantly written. A fine advert for a psychoanalytically informed approach to life and literature.
October 22, 2020
I will always want to take a good photograph and never be able to.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews